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Cult of Claire

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Little Mozart [Aug. 24th, 2007|11:26 pm]
Cult of Claire

[Current Mood |wired]

As many of us may already know, Claire has decided to further invest time and effort into her musical career by creating a music Myspace. Yet I find it disappointing to see Claire has still yet to write a song with lyrics about her favorite subject. If the rapper MIMS can make money off a song entitled "This is Why I'm Hot," then surely Claire can be successful with a song about poo! Imagine the rhyming possibilities! Poo, loo...
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Dear Claire [Aug. 16th, 2007|07:39 pm]
Cult of Claire

[Current Mood |impressedimpressed]

When reading the newspaper this morning, I had a light-bulb idea. Although there are horoscopes and manners advice, there is no scatology column (the study of feces, for those of you not in the know)! And what a travesty this is! Claire, I suggest you suggest to your university's paper that they start up a scatology advice column, so you can help fixing the pooping woes of those around you.

A sample, if I may:

Dear Claire,
Yesterday evening when I was taking a poo, I looked in the bowl and realized my feces had a slight green tint to it. Should I be worried? Am I normal?? Does this happen to everybody??
Love, Tense in Takoma Park

Dear Tense,
Poops are just like the people you encounter at a Metro station- they come in many different shapes, sizes, and colors!
Green poop may actually be a good thing. People whose diets are full of leafy green vegetables experience a green tint to their poop. Don't let green poo deter you from eating that spinach, Popeye!
Love, Claire

Just a thought...
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poop island [Aug. 10th, 2007|11:33 pm]
Cult of Claire


i ate $40 tapas - fuck that shit.
they weren't even good!
and it was like one egg on a plate!
i even got in a figh over the bill - it was toootally lame!
when i got home i was pretty grumpy.
i felt a little off but i thought it was just cuz i was SO pissed!
but then i felt the URGE.
you know, the urge.
yes, THAT one.
i went upstairs and pooped
for a solid half an hour.
i pooped so much that i made a poop mountain that rose above the toilet water!
a poop ISLAND!
this has never happeed to me before
so i thought it was noteworthy.
damn expensive jaleo and their diarrhea-inducing foods of death.
i made noises like i was having a baby!
tears were streaming.
it was the best and worst pooping experience ever.

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it has been too long [Aug. 6th, 2007|12:12 pm]
Cult of Claire

I wonder how often betta fish are supposed to poop, because mine let one out yesterday and I think this is the first time he's done so since I bought him three weeks ago. At this rate I might as well just call him 'Claire.'

Not that this makes him any less of a fish just because he's a dude with a typically feminine name. In fact, this only makes him GREATER fish.

Claire, noun:
1. The state of constipation.
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I forgot about this! [Oct. 29th, 2006|09:06 pm]
Cult of Claire

Today Claire wrote this awesomely cool blog where she said:
and away
And I thought it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. Why do my typing skills lack such wondred creativity?
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(no subject) [Sep. 28th, 2006|08:53 pm]
Cult of Claire
I was divinely inspired and wrote a hymn to Claire:

Claire, whose eyes are blue as freshly cleaned toilet bowls
Whose skin is as fair as that porcelain throne
Upon which Your sacred bum rests,
And whose bodily functions are as pure as a virgin Bodhisattva’s;
Some divine artifact, your poop seems to us
For the anatomy from whence it comes is holy.
We do homage to you, oh Peerless Pooper
And bask in Your scatological superiority
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good evening [Sep. 23rd, 2006|12:07 am]
Cult of Claire

[Current Mood |happyhappy]

Today I have transformed my depiction of Claire into a more presentable format.

BASK.Collapse )
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Cult of Claire

[Current Mood |coldcold]

Hello, everyone!

For my first post dedicated to our demi-god, I would like to share an anecdote.

I messaged Claire on AIM this evening, and waited ever so patiently for her glorious response to pop up on my screen. Several minutes later, I was rewarded with her impeccable grammar and spelling.

I am proud to say that Claire approves of the steps we have taken to spread her radiance throughout the land.

Later, comrades.
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